I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
