So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
