PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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