wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
