put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's rum buckets o'clock
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
