i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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