Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
