peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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