Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
