My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
