listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
