I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
