i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
