i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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