for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
