All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
