New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
