i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
