He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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