I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
