He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
