I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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