I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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