It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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