ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
