U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
