so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
