the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
