Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
