..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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