It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
