this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
