How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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