every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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