four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
