Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
