we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
