The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They are going to name an STD after you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
