Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
