4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
