it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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