I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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