My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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