I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
