if only i could text you this smell
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
