I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
