oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
40s are totally the cure
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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