They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
