i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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