i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want to make out with him forever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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