how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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