you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
